Chapter 296: You're Alive?!

Dusk was falling, but it couldn’t darken the excitement that surged in Bai Xiaochun’s heart. Looking very pleased with himself, he sat cross-legged atop the blood sword, pointing out as he said, “Get ‘em, boys!”

He felt wonderful inside and out, and powerful too. He couldn’t help but think back to the events of the Fallen Sword Abyss, in which he’d led the Spirit Stream Sect disciples to grab all the entrances into the sword.

“What a wonderful memory!” he thought, sighing. But then he remembered how, after he helped all the disciples enter the sword, he ended up being caught alone outside. “I shouldn’t jinx myself! But then again, things are different in this situation. I have two hundred fierce, powerful cultivators with me.”

Bai Xiaochun looked around at the people around him. Xu Xiaoshan was especially impressive, with glowing poison spheres hanging all over him, ready to be thrown out at a moment’s notice. Bai Xiaochun couldn’t help but approve.

Beihan Lie had changed too.... Although he looked the same, he had learned to smile. As for Jia Lie and Master God-Diviner, they were cultivators of the Blood Stream Sect, and had been scary to begin with. However, as the months passed, they had become even scarier.

If those four had experienced such changes, there was no need to even mention everyone else. Most of them had come to resemble Bai Xiaochun in many ways. Normally, they spent their time laughing and smiling, and although they feared death to some extent, when they needed to fight, they unleashed their poison smoke and fought ferociously.

The mere sight of everyone around him caused Bai Xiaochun to sigh emotionally.

“Thanks to my leadership, these brothers and sisters finally realize that cultivators should cherish life. As long as you have your life, you have everything.” Sighing again, he slapped his bag of holding and pulled out the little turtle to shake around like he usually did. Over the course of the preceding months, he had taken time every day to shake the turtle like a rag doll. He had even come to find that the sound of the turtle’s limbs and head knocking against its shell was very pleasing to the ears.

Occasionally, a fragrant aroma would waft out after a bit of knocking, which would cause massive amounts of spiritual energy to flow toward him. Because of that, Bai Xiaochun’s cultivation improved on a daily basis. His followers also benefited from the influxes of spiritual energy.

“This damned turtle does have some use after all.” He looked down at the turtle, at its protruding head and limbs, and its stumpy tail, and gave it another vigorous shake. That was when he realized that something seemed off about it. The knocking sounds were different from before, and the turtle’s extremities all seemed to be stiffer than before.

“Huh?” Surprised, Bai Xiaochun shook the turtle even harder. After enough time passed for half an incense stick to burn, the stiffened extremities went loose once again, and the knocking sounds went back to normal. Pleased, Bai Xiaochun went on to finish his cultivation session.

The next afternoon, he led his group flying along through the front lines region. It was a vast area, and that, coupled with his illustrious fame, made it so that they often went days without encountering any Profound Stream Sect cultivators.

Bai Xiaochun was starting to get bored. One day, he noticed Xu Xiaoshan and Beihan Lie bragging to each other about their achievements in battle. Bai Xiaochun was interested in jumping into the conversation, but then he realized that they were actually looking at him furtively and intentionally ignoring him.

Not very happy, he snorted and considered reducing their glowing sphere supply by seventy percent. At the same time, he subconsciously shook the little turtle back and forth like usually. Suddenly, he frowned.

“Hey, why is the sound different?” Looking down at the turtle, he poked its extremities a few times with his finger and found that, yet again, they had turned stiff.

“Who knows how long this little turtle has been dead. Poor thing. Its limbs are even starting to stiffen up now.” After some thought, he decided that he should try to help the turtle. After all, despite being dead, it had been of much assistance to his cultivation over the past half year or so.

Gripping the shell tightly, he started shaking it as hard as possible. He used quite a bit of force and shook it far more quickly than he usually did. Within the space of a few breaths of time, the fragrant aroma once again appeared, and the spiritual energy of heaven and earth began to rush over.

However, Bai Xiaochun wasn't finished yet. He kept shaking the turtle as hard as he could, determined to get its body to loosen up again.

The process lasted for the time it takes three incense sticks to burn. Finally, the little turtle’s body once again went loose, and a smile broke out on Bai Xiaochun’s face.

“If your spirit exists in the heavens somewhere, there’s no need for you to thank me. I’ll help you stay loose for as long as possible. I’ll make sure that your fleshly body doesn’t decay, not for all eterni--” Before he could finish speaking, the turtle suddenly lifted its head and opened its eyes. Its pupils seemed to be spinning, and yet, it was possible to see hatred and madness in its eyes as it suddenly opened its mouth and snapped at Bai Xiaochun’s hand!

Startled, Bai Xiaochun immediately dropped the turtle and pulled his hand back.

The turtle’s bite seemed to be fueled by indescribable hatred. When its jaws closed onto the air, a snapping sound rang out that shocked all of the cultivators in the area.

Bai Xiaochun felt like his scalp was about to explode. If the turtle had successfully bitten one of his fingers, it would surely have shattered the bones. Not even his Heavenly Demon Body could stand up to snapping power like that.

“Y-y-y… you’re alive!?!? You’re not dead?!?!” Bai Xiaochun edged backward, disbelief playing out on his face. He had studied that turtle for a very long time, and had never detected any life force in it at all. It had definitely been a corpse before, but as of this moment, it was alive.

Bai Xiaochun’s head was spinning, and his eyes were wide with incredulity.

The turtle wobbled a bit as it flew up into the air to float in front of Bai Xiaochun. Its limbs were trembling, and its eyes were bloodshot. Apparently, it was working hard just not to pass out. Glaring at Bai Xiaochun, it howled, “You’re the dead one! Your whole family’s dead! Your whole sect is dead! Everybody named Bai is dead! I hate you, you jerk!!”

The cultivators of the two sects all looked over in shock. They were familiar with that little turtle; they all remembered seeing Bai Xiaochun shake it around over the past few months, causing the energy of heaven and earth to rush over.

But now, the little turtle was actually alive!!

Bai Xiaochun took a deep breath and was about to say something, but then he noticed what appeared to be tears welling up in the turtle’s eyes. The turtle had looked charming to begin with, with big, round eyes. Now, it seemed to be teetering on the verge of hysteria as it screamed, “Lord Turtle woke up five months ago! Why did you have to go around shaking me every single day!? There was one day when you shook me a thousand times! Don’t you ever get tired? Lord Turtle almost threw up that day before he passed out again!”

The little turtle was shaking, and was so enraged that heatwaves were rising up from his body. It looked almost like he was about to explode.

Bai Xiaochun already felt bad, so he quickly tried to explain. “Uh, I... I didn't do it on purpose! I thought you were dead! If you weren’t dead, why didn’t you say something earlier? Also, what was that fragrant aroma...?”

“Oh, you just had to bring up the fragrant aroma, didn’t you!?!? AAARRRGHHHH! That’s the spiritual energy Lord Turtle has been building up for years and years! You shook out tons of it! That was my collection! I spent tens of thousands of years building it up! ARGH! I hate you! I can’t live under the same sky as you!” The enraged little turtle once again lunged toward Bai Xiaochun to try and bite him. “I'm gonna bite you to death!”

Shocked, Bai Xiaochun dodged to the side, but the turtle kept chasing him, snapping at him over and over again. Xu Xiaoshan, Beihan Lie, Jia Lie, and Master God-Diviner were all completely shocked, as were the other cultivators.

At first, Bai Xiaochun was terrified at being attacked in such away. But then his expression flickered, and he spun in place. Murderous aura erupting, he shouted, “Enough!”

“No, it’s not enough! Dammit! Lord Turtle is gonna slap you so black and blue you’ll never recover!”

Bai Xiaochun’s jaw dropped. This turtle’s language was definitely unique. Clearly, he wasn’t about to let the matter drop. Backing up, Bai Xiaochun quickly said, “Wait, let me explain!”

The little turtle rolled its eyes contemptuously and then said, “Oh no, you stay away from me. I have germophobia!”

“Huh? Germophobia?” Bai Xiaochun was once again shocked, and the other onlookers were similarly stunned. But then, their expressions slowly began to turn into awe. For someone to be able to say something so profoundly insulting, but not use any obscenities, was something that none of them could ever hope to do.

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Deathblade's Thoughts

Translator: Deathblade. Chinese language consultant: ASI a.k.a. Beerblade. Editor: GNE. Memes: Logan. Meme archives: Tocsin. Transcendent Patrons: Daoist Elder N, BLE, ttre208. AWE Glossary. Xianxia-inspired T-shirts.

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