The sages said, read ISSTH Book 1, Chapter 20!

I Shall Seal the Heavens

Poor Fatty is in the same position Meng Hao was in not long ago. What will he do? What will Meng Hao do? Will a spectacular fight scene ensue? Are the Sect elders morons, or simply cruel bastards? Does Meng Hao ever actually eat? Do wild chickens actually taste different than domestic chickens? And how does this affect the saying “tastes like chicken?” Find out the answer to some of these questions in:

Chapter 20: Entering the Black Mountain
Translated by Deathblade
Contributing Editor: Madam Deathblade
Proofreaders: Lingson, laoren and MeeBoo

By the way, I mentioned a while back that I play the casual fantasy card game Gems of War. I have a level 16 guild with plenty of open spots. A few friends of mine are active in the game, and we have a few other guild members who also play regularly and contribute. We’re currently in Platinum II league, and are in the top 400 guilds in the game. If any of you play the game too, I’d be happy to have you as part of my guild. Just let me know your username and I’ll send you an invite.


9 thoughts on “The sages said, read ISSTH Book 1, Chapter 20!” - NO SPOILERS and NO CURSING

  1. sweet. just checked in before heading to bed to see if anything new popped up. guess its time to read more!

    Thanks for the cliffhanger that’s sure to come lol

  2. I don’t know where this came from. Don’t look at me like that, it’s not my fault!

    I Shall Steal the Heavens

    Chapter 1

    Lu Pin always knew he was destined for greatness. Even at a very young age he would search diligently to find his destiny.

    Alas, he could not find it in his own belongings so he started searching in the belongings of other people.

    And so he became an excellent thief, especially of apple pies. He could steal an apple pie from a window sill like nobody’s business.

    Unfortunately for Lu Pin he was not so good a thief when he was younger. He had been caught many times when he had found something that he thought might be his destiny. He had been spanked many times and the things that obviously were not his destiny had been given back.

    As Lu Pin grew older, any time something went missing he would be the first suspect. He would get chased down, beaten up, and searched. Then the stolen item would be returned to its owner and everybody aside from Lu Pin would be happy.

    This is why he became so good at stealing apple pies.

    He might get chased, he might get beaten up, but people usually did not try to take back an already eaten apple pie.

    One day, Lu Pin was running through the woods, his hands clutching something that just might be his destiny, when he encountered something very strange.

    It looked like a fishing line that was dropping down out of the heavens.

    “What is this thing that looks like a fishing line that is dropping down out of the heavens?” Lu Pin asked himself.

    The finishing line sparkled like white jade in the sunlight and at its end was a golden hook.

    Lu Pin warily moved away from the fishing line but it began to follow him. He dodged left and it followed, he dodged right and it followed, he ran but it was faster than he was!

    The golden hook snagged in his clothes and then suddenly Lu Pin found himself dragged into the air.

    Up and up the fishing line pulled Lu Pin until he was among the clouds. There Lu Pin saw the strangest sight.

    Two elderly men with long gray beards were sitting on the edge of a cloud with fishing rods in their hands, one of whom was holding the rod that had been used to catch Lu Pin. On the cloud behind them lay some two dozen people, their mouths gasping for breath in the thin air.

    The old man who had not caught Lu Pin glanced over with a sneer. “That one looks a bit scrawny. Shouldn’t you throw him back?”

    The old man who had caught Lu Pin sneered back. “Do you think my Golden Talent-Catching Hook would pick wrong?”

    “I would never disparage your Golden Talent-Catching Hook. But I would disparage your fishing skill!”

    “Why you!” shouted the old man who had caught Lu Pin. “My fishing skill is at the 300th level!”

    “300? The maximum is 600, you fool! Didn’t you buy the expansions?”

    As the two old men argued, the fishing pole – and therefore also Lu Pin – was wildly swung back and forth. As magical and strong as the Golden Talent-Catching Hook might be, Lu Pin was not so sure that his clothes would survive such abuse.

    “Please, kind sirs,” said Lu Pin. “Do not leave me dangling at the end of this fishing line!”

    The old man who had caught Lu Pin snorted. He moved the fishing pole to bring Lu Pin closer to him, removed the hook from his clothing, and casually tossed Lu Pin over his shoulder.

    Lu Pin rolled over the clouds quite a bit and then came to a stop. On top of another person.

    The first thing that Lu Pin noticed was that it was a female. Definitely a female. There was no way that anyone in his position could have been confused about this.

    He looked upward to see her face. The woman was a stunning beauty with pale skin and hair as black as a starless night. Her eyes were as dark as polished obsidian, or so he thought at first but a moment later they appeared to have a trace of red… actually more than a trace… more like a brilliant fiery red… or perhaps they were even glowing!

    “Get off me!” the woman growled out between her gasps.

    Lu Pin would have gladly moved but his entire body felt drained for some reason. It was so hard to breathe in the thin air among the clouds and where his face was pressed against the woman’s curves did not make things any easier. “I fear I cannot move,” he managed to say.

    The woman somehow found the strength to kick Lu Pin and she did so in a very vulnerable spot.

    Suddenly Lu Pin was able to move again, though it was limited to him rolling around in pain.

    When the pain subsided Lu Pin opened his eyes and saw the blue sky above him.

    “Hi there!” said a voice that sounded far too bright and energetic considering the pain from which Lu Pin was recovering. Lu Pin turned his head toward the voice and saw a man dressed in the most garish clothing. Like Lu Pin he was lying flat on his back. Their situation did not, however, seem to be causing him any distress.

    “Now that we’ve been selected by immortal practitioners to join their secret cult, I think it’s a perfect opportunity to think about the things that are really important.” The lack of air also did not seem to be bothering this man though Lu Pin did notice that he was unsuccessfully trying to move his arms as he spoke.

    “And what is really important once you’ve joined an ancient sect of immortal practitioners, you might ask. And I’ll tell you: real estate!”

    Lu Pin gasped for air as he blinked at the man.

    “Consider the cloud that we are so miraculously lying on. Where would we be without it? Why falling to our deaths of course!”

    “And right now is the perfect time to – if you will pardon the pun – get in on the ground floor of an exciting offer!”

    Lu Pin turned his head away, trying to ignore the man. “No money down!” was the last thing he heard him say.

    Lu Pin noticed the two old men were reeling in their fishing lines.

    “Looks like that’s all we’ll be catching today,” said the old man who had not caught Lu Pin.

    “I suppose so,” the old man who had caught Lu Pin replied.

    The old man who had caught Lu Pin took a small sack from his belt and pulled at the mouth, causing it to expand. He then started to pick up people and toss them into the sack. The old man who had not caught Lu Pin mirrored his actions.

    Lu Pin felt nervous when the old man grabbed him and tossed him into the sack but thankfully he landed on something soft.

    Then he realized that he had felt this softness before and he looked up into dark eyes that were turning a blazing red.

    “Pardon me,” he said, smiling weakly at the woman.

    Trapped in the sack he was not able to escape and so he was kicked repeatedly.

    To be continued…?

    1. It still left the age old question unanswered though….. did the chicken come first?? or the egg???? and why did it even cross the road anyway???????? The mountains truly are tall and the seas truly run deep…….

      P.S. Thanks for the chapter 😀

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