SOTR Ch200 Competition Second Runner Up

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It was the middle of the day and Xiang Pi(想皮)was strolling around the city. He turned a corner and sighed, beholding the familiar street that he had visited far too many times before. After all, as someone who appreciated the pursuit of knowledge, he had frequently needed to befriend nobles in order to access the troves of information that some of the nobles had previously acquired. Along the way, he’d learned about the less… noble activities these proud children of heaven busied themselves with.

Just up the street from Xiang Pi, stumbling out of the Garden of Returning Spring, were a few of these young nobles, sons of the Dukes of the Eastern Kingdom.

Xiang Pi truly looked down on these noble sons. If he had that kind of status and money, he wouldn’t be using it on such mindless, perverted endeavors! Instead he’d use his status to help the city, mhmm. He’d be a righteous man and win the hearts of all of the common people!

They would cheer his name when he walked past, and those who scoffed at his name and called him a born rascal would be put in chains! So what if his parents named him poorly?

Ah…

As he walked down the street, he saw some more nobles rush out of the Garden of Returning Spring. Seeing who they were and recognizing their faces, Xiang Pi’s derisive gaze turned more contemptuous yet.

The leader of the group was quite famous for being a wasteful, vulgar individual. Ahhh, his reputation was as low as it could get! How could such a useless individual be heir to such a highly ranked noble family??

If he, Xiang Pi, had the same resources, he would be the top scholar in the Eastern Kingdom! Then, he would be able to live a life of luxu—err, a life of good deeds!

Ah, right. The princess’s Rites of Heavenly Worship was to be held today! That would be an interesting event to attend. After all, if the prayers actually worked, that would be something to write about… maybe if he were to write a dashing depiction of it…

His mind raced as he imagined this success. However, as he was daydreaming, he felt himself walk into something, as if he had just walked into a soft wall.

Returning back to reality, he blinked a few times. Rats, he’d actually accidentally collided with one of the group’s useless nobles.

“Ah, hello Fatty Xuan, how are you doing? You’ve lost weight! I actually didn’t see you there haha. You look great today, you truly do. Look better every time I see you! What meridians True Qi are you at? Surely you’re already in the Intermediate Realm of True Qi, right? Well, I won’t bother you any more, I’m sure you and your brother Jiang Chen here are very busy!”

Fatty Xuan laughed, pleased at this scholar’s flattery. “Ha, of course! Hey, we’re going to Autumn Crane right now! Jiang Chen, let’s bring this fellow again!”

Xiang Pi quickly cut him off, lest the fatty rope him into any disgraceful activities. “Ahh, thank you very much, kind master, but I have an appointment to make. Perhaps next time!”

After giving his excuse, he quickly walked past Fatty Xuan, who chuckled. “Jiang Chen brother, let’s get drunk then go watch the princess’s ceremony!”

Later that day…

Xiang Pi had made it to the princess’s Rites of Heavenly Worship, and considering how many people were present, he actually had a pretty good spot! Only a few rows of people were in front of him.

“Ahh, turns out that a great scholar such as I was able to get so close to the heavenly ceremony! If only…”

Xiang Pi’s expression dropped as he lowered his gaze.

What an unlucky stroke of fate! Even at this ceremony, he just had to run into those idiots again! Yes, the ones in front of him were the two troublemakers he had seen earlier in the day, Fatty Xuan and Jiang Chen!

In fact, Xiang Pi was positioned right behind Jiang Chen, and couldn’t really see anything that was going on. It wasn’t that he, Xiang Pi, was short! It was that Jiang Chen had been born a noble and well… alright fine, if he was completely honest, Jiang Chen wasn’t that tall, it was just that he, Xiang Pi, was too short!

Ahh, cruel fate!

Xiang Pi patiently waited in the midst of the crowd, when a murmur spread through the crowd.
“They’re walking up the steps to kowtow in prayer! The ceremony is under way!”

Even as the murmur spread through the crowd, people began shushing the others. After all, such an important rite required absolute silence. And this rite was for the beloved princess! It was clear that anyone who disturbed the peace would instantly be silently berated by their neighbors.

Within seconds, although there were thousands of people in audience, even a pin drop could have been heard.

Soon after, although Xiang Pi couldn’t see anything, he heard a strong, charismatic voice ring through the silence.

“First bow to the gods!”

The King and his nobles kowtowed.

“Second bow, t-“

PPPPPPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Suddenly, a gigantic, monstrous, and raucous fart sounded out from the crowd.

A mere second later, the smell of a hundred rotten eggs, a thousand dead tuna fish, and a million sewer pipes seeped into Xiang Pi’s nose.

The one who had farted was actually the one in front of him, the noble Jiang Chen! Xiang Pi, as the one directly behind the offender, had been fully blasted with the force and smell of the fart.

Alas, just before Xiang Pi fainted from the smell, he thought of one line.

“Aiyah, this fart (Pi 屁)really is fragrant (Xiang香)!”

 


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3 thoughts on “SOTR Ch200 Competition Second Runner Up” - NO SPOILERS and NO CURSING

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