Everyone In Your Family Is A Tadpole

Bai Xiaochun smacked his bag of holding in frustration. The little turtle had become quite the headache for him, but there was nothing he could do about the situation. Sighing, he watched Zhou Xinqi leaving, then slowly shook his head and turned to head in the direction of the Beast Conservatory on the north bank.

It was impossible to say where exactly Bruiser was. When Bai Xiaochun arrived on the north bank, the only thing that met him was a distant howl. Even Bruiser was ignoring him. Bai Xiaochun felt more depressed than ever.

“The child has grown up,” he said with a sigh, “and now he just ignores his father!” With that, he headed into the Beast Conservatory.

The Beast Conservatory was like a second home to Bai Xiaochun. As soon as he arrived, the battle beasts looked over and let out happy roars of greeting.

“Come on, be a good boy, Blackie. Don’t bully poor Daisy!”

“What are you doing, Mr. Blackbear? Fighting again? What did I tell you last time? Alright, you’re in time out for the next two hours!”

Bai Xiaochun greeted the battle beasts as he went along, and soon he had a whole group clustered around him as he headed toward the chasm where the Heavenhorn ink dragon lived. The patriarchs were already gathering at the edge of the chasm, as well as the legacy echelon cultivators. All of them had very serious expressions on their faces.

When Bai Xiaochun was reminded that his cultivation base was the weakest of the group, he waved the battle beasts away. Then he sidled up to the edge of the chasm and looked inside. Deep down, he was just able to make out a shadowy form that was the Heavenhorn ink dragon.

Soon, everyone had gathered, and the founding patriarch looked over the group and said, “Many years ago, I saw the skeleton of a deva-level beast inside the chasm. However, no amount of effort on my part was enough to bring it back with me. Now, we are on the verge of marching to war, and are in the middle of constructing the Heavenspan Battleships. The spine of that beast would be perfect to use as ship keels!

“We five patriarchs will do our best to retrieve the remains of the beast. As for the rest of you, feel free to join us, or to explore the depths of the chasm. Perhaps you can find some good fortune therein!

“The pocket realm inside the chasm is a land of treasures, and contains things from the ancient era. There are many places that even I haven’t visited. There are places of destiny, and places of danger. Remember not to stray too far. If anything untoward happens, crush this jade slip of retreat to be returned to us immediately!” With that, he waved his sleeve, sending jade slips flying out to everyone present.

Bai Xiaochun took the jade slip and examined it. He could immediately sense the teleportation power of the ninth mountain peak on it, and felt a bit more at ease. After all, this pocket realm was part of the Spirit Stream Sect, and was covered by numerous sect spell formations. As such, it should be a relatively safe place.

After all the explanations were made, the founding patriarch looked down into the chasm, his eyes shining brightly.

“Heavenhorn, open the arcane pocket realm!”

The Heavenhorn ink dragon gave a thunderous roar in response, and then raised its head. Eyes shining with mysterious light, it shot downward into the chasm.

Intense rumbling sounds spread out through the ground. All of the battle beasts in the Beast Conservatory went silent, and the rest of the beasts throughout the north bank began to tremble. Bruiser had been in the middle of pacing in circles around a female battle beast that resembled a qilin, when suddenly, he shivered and looked up.

At the same time, an enormous vortex appeared at the very bottom of the chasm. A wild wind belched out from within it, causing everyone’s clothing to whip about wildly. Black mist erupted up, filling the area with a sensation of profound ancientness.

Even at their current distance from the vortex, it was obvious that another world existed on the other side. They could just barely see numerous lushly vegetated mountains, as well as an enormous dragon-like creature with leathery wings flying about in the air. As soon as the vortex appeared, the creature looked over and then began to fly in their direction.

However, the Heavenhorn ink dragon was even bigger than the winged dragon. It stuck its head out of the vortex, and then a crunching sound could be heard, along with an agonized shriek, as the winged dragon was gobbled up.

The ink dragon’s enormous frame slid through the vortex to appear within the arcane pocket realm, where it let out a roar that could shake heaven and earth. Instantly, the entire world went quiet….

The confidence shown by the Heavenhorn ink dragon showed that it was familiar with the arcane pocket realm. That made sense considering that it had originally come from that place!

Even as Bai Xiaochun gasped, the founding patriarch spoke once more.

“Heavenhorn will stand guard. The entrance will remain open for a month, after which time you must return!” With that, the founding patriarch and the other four patriarchs flickered into motion, turning into five beams of light that shot into the vortex and then disappeared over the horizon.

The legacy echelon cultivators were all proud people, and although they had a measure of respect for Bai Xiaochun, he was still only in the Foundation Establishment stage, while they were all in the Gold Core stage. After nodding curtly to Bai Xiaochun, they all shot toward the vortex.

“Xiaochun, don’t go very far in,” Li Qinghou said. “If anything bad happens, crush that jade slip immediately!” With that, he offered a few more warnings. By this point, the other legacy echelon cultivators were getting impatient, so he flew down to meet them. They were planning to go to a place that would be too dangerous for Foundation Establishment cultivators, making it inappropriate to bring Bai Xiaochun along.

Besides, opportunities for good fortune like this were not easy to come by.

Bai Xiaochun watched Li Qinghou making his way off into the distance, and then stood at the edge of the chasm, looking down hesitantly as he tried to decide whether or not to go in.

“Come, come, child,” the Heavenhorn ink dragon said, smiling. “It’s quite safe in here. Just stay within 500 kilometers of the entrance, and I can protect you personally!”

Bai Xiaochun coughed dryly as he thought the matter over again. Finally, he decided that since this place was a pocket realm belonging to the sect, and he also had a teleportation jade slip, it couldn’t be too dangerous. He was also curious to see what the pocket realm looked like. Finally, he flew out into the air and then shot down toward the vortex. A moment later, he was in another world.

The first thing he noticed was the wild wind that screamed through the entire world. It was different from the wind on the outside, stronger, seemingly mad as it attempted to freeze everything it touched.

He took a deep breath and looked up at the sky, where an enormous vortex could be seen, beyond which was the Spirit Stream Sect. The Heavenhorn ink dragon was swirling through the air near the vortex. It looked down at him and smiled.

“Don’t worry. I know this place well. Other than a few terrifying entities that you shouldn’t provoke, everything else in here should be safe. Besides, those terrifying entities are all sleeping. Fear not! Here, take some of my aura to protect you as you go along!” Laughing, the Heavenhorn ink dragon spat out a stream of black mist, which coalesced into the form of a dragon scale that floated down toward Bai Xiaochun.

Elated, Bai Xiaochun grabbed the scale, and then clasped hands and bowed to the Heavenhorn ink dragon. “Many thanks, Senior!”

With that, he flew further into the world, reminding himself not to go further than 500 kilometers away from the entrance.

The cold wind buffeted him as he flew along. Down below, the lands were covered with green vegetation, as well as seemingly endless rolling mountains that seemed rife with secrets and mystery. As far as Bai Xiaochun was concerned, this place seemed like a completely wild and savage land.

The sky was dark. There were no clouds, and no sun, but it wasn’t completely black. After flying along for some time, Bai Xiaochun finally spotted the horizon, where the sun lurked and cast a bit of light out into the world.

Strange odors reached his nose, something like the aroma of animals and their droppings. Although it was faint, it immediately got him feeling a bit nervous.

There were no signs of human life, but the auras of countless wild beasts could be detected. After having traveled only about 50 kilometers away from the entrance, he could sense that there were eyes looking up at him from the jungle below, eyes belonging to vicious and terrifying creatures.

However, he had the Heavenhorn ink dragon scale, which cast fear into the hearts of such creatures. Even those who seemed comparable to the Gold Core stage weren’t willing to get near him.

At one point, he spotted a leopard-like beast which suddenly grew to 300 meters in length before gobbling down an ox-like creature that was several dozen meters long. It even swallowed the creature’s’ bones! Then it shrank back down to its original size, looked coldly at Bai Xiaochun, and disappeared into the jungle.

“This place is so dangerous….” he thought, shivering. Looking over his shoulder, he spotted the vortex up in the sky behind him, and breathed a sigh of relief. Then he proceeded on for another 50 kilometers or so. Eventually, he sat down on a boulder at the top of a mountain, looking around at the majestic terrain rolling out in all directions.

“So boring,” he said, picking up a pebble. “This place isn’t fun at all….” With that, he tossed the pebble down into the forest. A moment later, the vegetation rustled, and then several two-headed bird-like creatures appeared. They were about half as big as an average human, and let out deafening cries as they glared at Bai Xiaochun, who shivered in response. The birds soared around in the air for a bit before diving back down into the jungle.

“Forget this! I’m going back. None of these beasts are friendly at all.” Swallowing, he turned to head back in the direction of the Heavenhorn ink dragon.

However, in the same moment that he flew up into the air, an enraged roar echoed out from one of the distant mountain peaks.

It was only a single roar, but it caused the entire world to shake. Countless mountain peaks trembled, and numerous beasts cried out in anguish, not daring to even lift their heads.

Bai Xiaochun felt like his scalp was about to explode. His mind was reeling, and his ears twinged with pain as looked over at a familiar figure flying toward him from off in the distance.

“Aren’t you just a little tadpole? What’s so special about you? How dare you threaten me! Last time Lord Turtle awoke, I saw your dad! You’re a tadpole and so was he! Everyone in your whole family is a tadpole….”

meme
meme

Swallowed Up

The figure flying toward him looked very familiar. The beam of light it created as it shot through the air was dazzling, and its voice echoed about in grand fashion.

It was none other than the little turtle.

Bai Xiaochun’s jaw dropped, and his hair began to stand on end. He felt like his mind was being struck by 100,000 bolts of lighting, with accompanying thunder pounding into his ears. He immediately let out a shout of alarm.

“When did you get out of my bag of hold–”

Before he could finish speaking, he saw what was happening behind the little turtle. The mountain peak was exploding into a cascade of rocks and rubble. The ground trembled, and numerous birds and beasts fled in terror as a gargantuan toad emerged from under the surface of the earth.

The toad was huge, more than 30,000-meters long…. As it flew up into the air, it blotted out the sun, and cast an enormous shadow down onto the ground. At the same time, an aura of indescribable madness and brutality echoed out!

The toad’s eyes were crimson with fury as it glared down at the flea-sized little turtle. Then it let out a howl that caused the grounds to shake violently and the sky to distort!

AAOOOWWW!

The air was torn to shreds as a sonic boom rolled out in all directions.

As the little turtle barreled along, it also seemed enraged, and let loose a torrent of abuse.

“What are you screaming for? I know you’re male! You’re not even worthy of your own parents, you degenerate! Last time Lord Turtle was around, you were just a tadpole, and I could have crushed you to death in a second! No wait. I could have crushed your dad to death! No wait. Crushed your grandpa!!”

The toad’s eyes burned with bright red light as it slammed down onto the ground, causing everything within 3,000 meters of it to collapse. Crevices snaked out like spiderwebs as the toad then launched itself back up into the air, flying madly toward the little turtle.

Bai Xiaochun’s hair whipped around him madly, and he was sent staggering backward, screaming the entire time.

“Damn you, you bastard turtle! I hate you!!” Bai Xiaochun appeared to be on the verge of tears. The toad seemed ferocious and brutal to the extreme. Although it wasn’t as terrifying as the golden crocodile, it definitely was the type of creature to avoid provoking. And yet, the little turtle had managed to completely enrage it. Bai Xiaochun wanted to kill the little turtle, especially for the fact that he was flying straight toward him. Feeling very much like he was going crazy, he unleashed all the speed he could muster to flee in the opposite direction.

He used his Heavenly Demon Body, his wings, and what little of the powers of gravity and repulsion he could control. Then he added the Mountain Shaking Bash, going all out to become nothing more than a blur of afterimages.

Although the speed he was capable of couldn’t be described as slow, the little turtle was faster. In the blink of an eye, he was right next to Bai Xiaochun.

Looking over at him, he stuck his bottom lip out mockingly and said, “What are you scared of? Lord Turtle’s here! Years ago, I crushed tons of those tadpoles. Aiya. Lord Turtle is tired now. I need to rest for a bit. Don’t disturb me, or else I’ll insult you to death!” The little turtle yawned, then became a blur of light that vanished into Bai Xiaochun’s bag of holding.

In the moment before disappearing, he hollered, “Hey little tadpole! If you think you’ve got what it takes, go ahead and fight with my master! Don’t come looking for me until you can beat him!”

Bai Xiaochun howled in rage, and was just going to start cursing the little turtle when an even more intense roar echoed out behind him, and he looked back to see the huge toad glaring at him with utter madness!

Looking back down at his bag of holding, tears welled up in his eyes. “I’m sorry!” he said. “Lord Turtle, please, let me off the hook! I actually really like turtles….” However, the little turtle didn’t respond at all.

Bai Xiaochun was wracked with grief. He thought back to the golden crocodile, and realized that if things kept going on like they were, the little turtle might cost him his poor little life….

“You’ll get what you deserve one of these days!!” he howled as he sped into motion again. “Senior Heavenhorn, save me!!”

Off in the distance, the Heavenhorn ink dragon was still soaring about in the air. As soon as it heard the cry of the toad, it looked over in surprise, and its eyes widened.

Then it heard Bai Xiaochun, and saw him fleeing at top speed, and all of the scales on its body stood on end.

“Dammit!” it roared. “How did you manage to get the old toad so pissed off!?!?” The Heavenhorn ink dragon was actually trembling inwardly. Although it seemed like a powerful creature, there were some older beasts within this world that even it didn’t dare to provoke. As it turned out, this toad was one of them.

“Stay away!” the dragon cried. “Don’t come over here!” Of course, Bai Xiaochun wasn’t listening, and sped in the direction of the dragon as quickly as he could.

Even as the Heavenhorn ink dragon trembled, the toad let out another roar. Then, the terrified dragon’s eyes turned bright red, almost as if it were on the verge of unleashing its fury.

Bai Xiaochun was instantly moved at how well the old dragon was treating him, and pushed forward with greater speed.

“Senior Heavenhorn, how kind and virtuous of you! I, Bai Xiaochun, will always remember this, and I’ll definitely pay you back once I get to the sect….”

Bai Xiaochun’s gratitude seemingly knew no ends. From what he could tell, the dragon still must be grateful for how much he’d helped it all those years back. Suddenly, the toad roared again, but this time, it also shot out its tongue, which was indescribably long, and moved with a speed that was difficult to put into words.

In the blink of an eye, the Heavenhorn ink dragon had become the target. Clearly, the toad wanted to wipe out the dragon first, and then take care of Bai Xiaochun afterward.

The dragon’s eyes went wide as an intense sensation of deadly crisis surged through it.

“Fellow Daoist Toad, did this punk provoke you? I’ll take care of him for you! Kiddo, how dare you provoke my big bro. Do you have a death wish!?” Although the Heavenhorn ink dragon’s words echoed out in dramatic fashion, inwardly, it was trembling. As for the old toad, it seemed taken aback. Its tongue stopped moving, and instead of continuing to attack the Heavenhorn ink dragon, it suddenly shot toward Bai Xiaochun. Before he could react, it wrapped around him and hauled him off of his feet.

Bai Xiaochun screamed. Although he wanted to weep, the tears wouldn’t come. Before he could do anything else, the sound of rushing wind blasted past his ears, and everything turned dark.

All the Heavenhorn ink dragon could see was the huge tongue wrap around Bai Xiaochun and then, in the blink of an eye, roll back up into the toad’s mouth.

The Heavenhorn ink dragon was trembling, but it put an ingratiating smile on its face as the toad glared at it, then turned and hopped off into the distance.

After confirming that the toad was gone, the Heavenhorn ink dragon took a deep breath.

“That’s it. Game over. Young Bai Xiaochun was eaten by the old toad. Although, now that I think about it, the toad takes a long time digesting things. Bai Xiaochun’s fleshly body is pretty tough. He should be safe for a while.” The dragon quickly reached out to make contact with the patriarchs in the hopes of rescuing Bai Xiaochun as quickly as possible.

**

Bai Xiaochun was now inside the toad. Everything around him was black at first, but slowly his vision adjusted, whereupon his face drained of blood. He was surrounded by mucus and other fluids. Everything was wriggling. It was too terrifying to even describe with words, and furthermore, a horrifically acidic odor filled the air that caused Bai Xiaochun to nearly throw up.

He was currently plastered down against a swath of flesh, and when he tried to lift his arm, numerous strings of mucus spread out and drooped down.

“Heaven-damned little turtle, I hate you!!” To his horror, he realized that his clothing was slowly dissolving. Thankfully, his Undying Live Forever Technique and powerful fleshy body ensured that he was not harmed.

It took a lot of effort, but he managed to struggle into a sitting position. Then he rose to his feet and looked around, frowning.

“That toad definitely swallowed me up. I must be inside of it now….” Sighing in despair, he was just about to try to walk out, when he realized that the way ahead was completely sealed shut. Anger surging, he performed an incantation gesture with his right hand and summoned a blood qi sword. Without any hesitation he slashed it down in front of him.

“Open up!”

A sound rang out like metal scraping on metal, and not a single scratch was visible.

“This won’t work. I need to figure out some other way to open the toad’s mouth. I guess I should go further in. Maybe… dammit! Could it be that the world-famous cultivator Bai Xiaochun… will have to use the back door?!” Scowling on the verge of tears, he kept struggling to make a decision. He tried using the teleportation jade slip, but found that it didn’t work in this location. Sighing piteously, he began to make his way further into the depths.

His clothing continued to melt. Thankfully, his fleshly body was strong enough that he could hold on for the moment. As he walked along, his feet stuck to the sticky ground, causing him to almost throw up on multiple occasions.

“I’m gonna kill you, little turtle!!” Enraged, he rifled through his bag of holding several times, but wasn’t able to find even a trace of the little turtle.

meme