Heaven-Damned Little Turtle, I Hate You!

“Y-y-you….” Despite wracking his brain, Bai Xiaochun couldn’t think of any comeback. This turtle was simply too hurtful. Virtually every word out of his mouth was an insult.

That was especially true of what he had just said. To say he was germophobic and didn’t want to talk to Bai Xiaochun was an obvious insult to Bai Xiaochun himself.

Rage burned in Bai Xiaochun’s eyes, and just when he was about to offer a response, the little turtle suddenly looked at him sympathetically. Shaking his head, he said, “Ah, some people have to be insulted really blatantly, otherwise they don’t realize they’re being insulted. Make things even slightly cerebral, and it takes them forever to realize they’re being taunted.”

Bai Xiaochun was on the verge of exploding.

“Sharp-tongued blowhard!!” he howled. “Bastard of a turtle! Y-y-you….”

However, the look of sympathy in the turtle’s eyes grew even deeper. Sighing, he casually said, “Finished with your self-introduction?”

The words crushed down onto Bai Xiaochun with the weight of Mount Tai, like lightning on a sunny day. Trembling as if he had been struck physically, he was literally at a loss for words. All of a sudden, he realized that in terms of ability to insult people, this little turtle existed on a different plane than him. It was like the difference between heaven and earth, or the difference between mortals and cultivators….

They were different worlds….

Bai Xiaochun wasn’t the only one who felt like that. The other cultivators of the two sects were all left gasping. They had never encountered someone who could speak so bitingly. Xu Xiaoshan’s eyes went wide as he stared at the little turtle. To him, it seemed almost godlike.

Beihan Lie felt the same way. He had never before seen Bai Xiaochun in such a predicament. Jia Lie was going wild with joy, and although Master God-Diviner looked shocked, inwardly, he was getting very excited.

Regardless, everyone had already decided that they would avoid talking to the little turtle at all costs….

Bai Xiaochun waved his hand, causing blood qi to explode out toward the little turtle. However, before the blood qi even reached it, the turtle suddenly shrank back into his shell. A bang rang out as the blood qi hit the shell, then faded away, leaving behind not even the tiniest scratch.

However, the turtle’s muffled voice could still be heard from inside the shell.

“Bursting with rage, yet empty inside. If you don’t vent a bit, you’ll end up dead. Listen up Bai, you little whippersnapper, Lord Turtle has some advice. Why don’t you go build a crystal wall for yourself? If you keep going down this path, it’s not healthy….” 1

Bai Xiaochun’s jaw dropped. He actually had no idea what the little turtle was talking about, but he was sure that it wasn’t anything good. The fact that he didn’t even understand how he was being insulted got him even more mad than before. Suddenly, he thought back to how the little turtle had just talked about people not understanding how they were being insulted.

“I’m gonna concoct you into a pill!!” Bai Xiaochun raged. Waving his right hand, he summoned a pill furnace, grabbed the turtle, and then threw it inside. Eyes bloodshot, he pulled out a pile of earthflame stones and immediately began to try to concoct the little turtle into a pill, right there on top of the blood sword.

Strange expressions could be seen on the faces of the surrounding cultivators. Considering how Bai Xiaochun almost seemed to have gone mad, though, none of them dared to interrupt him. Everyone edged back until they were about 300 meters away.

For the following few days, Bai Xiaochun concocted like mad. Soon, his hair was in disarray, and he felt like he was on the verge of exploding. However, no matter what methods he used, he couldn’t get the little turtle to melt. Occasionally, the little turtle would even hurl insults out from inside the furnace.

“You call this pill concocting? If you think this heat can melt Lord Turtle, you might as well stop dreaming. Look, whippersnapper, why don’t you try again after practicing cultivation for 10,000 years or so?!”

“Hey hey. Not bad! Not bad at all! You realized Lord Turtle was hungry, so you threw some spirit plants in for me to eat. Keep it up, whippersnapper. I’m starting to like you!”

“Add some heat! Come on, Lord Turtle is freezing here! Heat, man, I need heat!!”

Bai Xiaochun was descending into complete madness. He felt like he was about to collapse, and had a mind to simply throw the little turtle away. However, it was a valuable treasure that he had only acquired after suffering untold hardships. He couldn’t just give it up….

And yet, he couldn’t just allow things to go on the way they were. He continued to stew over the matter for two days, until he suddenly realized that the little turtle hadn’t said anything for quite some time.

“Hmm?” he muttered, looking surprised. Everyone else in the area was also astonished. They had actually gotten used to the little turtle’s voice recently, so the sudden silence seemed odd.

Feeling a bit suspicious, Bai Xiaochun cooled down the earthflame and opened the pill furnace to find that it was completely empty….

Well, it wasn’t completely empty. There were some turtle droppings inside….

However, the little turtle was nowhere to be seen. By means of some unknowable method, he had somehow disappeared into thin air.

A very unsightly expression could be seen on Bai Xiaochun’s face, especially when he looked at the turtle droppings. He really wanted to beat that turtle flat into the ground….

“Hmmph! Well, I’m glad he’s gone. I’ll just pretend I never even picked him up to begin with!” His heart was filled with many mixed emotions as he gritted his teeth and put his pill furnace away. Finally, the other cultivators felt comfortable enough to get a bit closer to the blood sword.

Another five days passed. Bai Xiaochun hadn’t seen a single trace of the little turtle, and had dismissed his disappearance from his mind. Although he was a bit disappointed at losing it, when he thought about his maddening way of talking, he realized that overall, the fact that he had fled was a good thing.

His mood gradually got better, and his spirits lifted. One afternoon, just when he was getting everyone ready to continue along through the front lines territory, a golden beam of light suddenly shot up into the air off in the distance.

At the same time, the aura of Heavenspan River water also exploded out in all directions. Heaven and earth began to tremble, and the sky distorted. Many of the blood clouds on the battlefield were swept away, and the Spirit Stream Sect’s white sun twisted, causing the black raven inside to tremble.

The Blood Stream Sect’s reserve power, the ghastly scarecrow, also began to tremble. The same thing happened to the Profound Stream Sect’s enormous city headquarters.

All patriarchs of the three sects who were currently in the Heavencraft Continent all turned their heads at the same time to see what was happening.

Bai Xiaochun was quite close to the golden light, and felt the vibrations even more acutely. That was especially true considering that he cultivated the Violet Qi Heavenspan Incantation, which was built upon the foundation of absorbing Heavenspan River water. Because of that, he was more in tune with the Heavenspan River than ordinary cultivators.

“That’s….” Bai Xiaochun gasped. The other cultivators around him were so shocked they were trembling. And that was when all of them, Bai Xiaochun included, saw…

Another beam shooting toward Bai Xiaochun from the expanding golden light.

As the beam of light got closer, a voice suddenly echoed out, “Dammit! You trifling little creature. Last time Lord Turtle took a nap, you were a wimp, and the nap before that, your dad was also a wimp!”

As soon as Bai Xiaochun heard that voice, he was shaken to the core, and his mind began to spin. It was obviously the voice of the damned little turtle.

Furthermore, it was now possible to see that within the majestic golden light was a gargantuan crocodile!!

It was at least 30,000 meters long, and completely golden. Its majesty was virtually impossible to describe, and it was clearly enraged, its roar echoing out louder than thunder from the heavens.

It was so angry that Bai Xiaochun could see how bloodshot its eyes were. He gasped, his scalp tingling so hard it felt like it would explode. This was the very same crocodile he had seen back when he was in the Qi Condensation stage, a terrifying entity that lived within the water of the Heavenspan River.

Before Bai Xiaochun could even react, the little turtle shot toward him with explosive speed. As he closed in, he sucked his extremities in, becoming a turtle shell that then disappeared into Bai Xiaochun’s bag of holding.

“Uhh….”

Bai Xiaochun looked up with wide eyes at the distant crocodile, which was currently staring at him angrily. Clearly, it recognized him…. When it realized that Bai Xiaochun was the master of the little turtle, it let out a shocking roar that caused the sky to dim, and a huge wind to kick up.

“Senior Goldcroc, I… I’m not the turtle’s master! Really, I’m not….”

He wanted to drag the turtle out of his bag of holding, but when he looked inside, he couldn’t find a single trace of him. There was no more time to think, as the terrifying crocodile was currently heading in his direction. A pair of wings popped out behind Bai Xiaochun as he fled at top speed.

On the verge of tears, he screamed, “Heaven-damned little turtle, I hate you!!”

The other cultivators had long since fled, and were sympathetically watching Bai Xiaochun from a distance….

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Senior Goldcroc, Listen To Me, Sir!

Bai Xiaochun’s eyes were completely bloodshot as he fled for his life. With his Protomagnetic Wings and the strength of his Heavenly Demon Body, he was capable of incredible speed.

In fact, he moved so quickly that he turned into a blur, a beam of light that was almost instantly far off into the distance.

“It’s really not me….” he howled. Unfortunately, the golden crocodile was just as fast. In the blink of an eye, it was right on top of Bai Xiaochun, filling the entire area with golden light.

Bai Xiaochun felt like his scalp was about to explode, and he was trembling in fear. “Senior Goldcroc, listen to me, sir! I also hate that little turtle, alright!? You and me, we’re not enemies! Our… our enemy is that damned turtle!”

At that point, the golden crocodile let out a powerful roar.

It sounded like thunder from the heavens, causing everything to shake violently. Bai Xiaochun’s eardrums were on the verge of popping, and with a miserable shriek, he shot onward with increased speed.

However, before he could get very far, the enraged crocodile’s eyes flashed with cold light, and its mouth snapped open. That mouth seemed to become heaven and earth as it loomed over Bai Xiaochun, casting everything below into darkness.

A powerful, fishy aroma blasted over Bai Xiaochun, and his eyes went wide as he slowly looked up. Then he screamed.

From a distance, it was possible to see the enormous, 30,000-meter-long golden crocodile with its mouth open, and Bai Xiaochun right in the middle!

Compared to the gargantuan crocodile, Bai Xiaochun was like a tiny bug….

In the blink of an eye, the golden crocodile’s mouth began to close as it prepared to consume Bai Xiaochun. Bai Xiaochun was screaming, his eyes completely bloodshot. In this moment of critical danger, he resorted to his Mountain Shaking Bash to break free, risking everything to try to get out of the crocodile’s closing mouth.

Bai Xiaochun felt like his heart was about to explode, and he really was about to start crying. A massive crashing sound echoed out behind him as the crocodile’s jaws slammed shut.

Deep in his bones, he hated the little turtle for setting him up and getting this crocodile to come after him. Were it not for the fact that the turtle was nowhere to be found in his bag of holding, he would definitely have pulled it out and tossed it into the crocodile’s mouth.

“We really aren’t enemies! I… I… oh right, I’ve absorbed water from the Heavenspan River! Look! I have the aura of the Heavenspan River on me!” Trembling, Bai Xiaochun unleashed the aura of the Violet Qi Heavenspan Incantation, hoping to convince the crocodile that they were on the same team….

It was hard to say for sure, but it seemed that the aura of the Heavenspan River worked. In almost the same moment that he unleashed it, the golden crocodile’s eyes flickered with a strange light, and it stopped in place.

Bai Xiaochun took advantage of that brief pause to blast forward, putting a bit of distance between himself and the golden crocodile. By this point, he was panting for breath, but before he could do anything else, a cold light flashed in the crocodile’s eyes, and it lunged forward again with gaping maw.

The fishy aroma washed over Bai Xiaochun once more. Screaming, he decided to throw caution to the wind, and opened his third eye. With the power of the Heavenspan Dharma Eye in full force, he looked back at the golden crocodile.

In that instant, his jaw dropped. Shockingly, the crocodile was actually not a crocodile! It had been formed from water from the Heavenspan River, and emanated the same fluctuations as the river!

A moment later, though, the images in front of him changed again, and it transformed back into the golden crocodile.

There was little time for thought. He unleashed the control power of the Heavenspan Dharma Eye against the crocodile. It was in that moment that the crocodile’s mouth snapped shut a second time, barely missing Bai Xiaochun.

However, the resulting blast of air sent Bai Xiaochun tumbling head over heels, face pale.

Time passed. Two hours later, the golden crocodile was still chasing Bai Xiaochun. It was hard to determine what exactly it was thinking. Despite how it was pursuing Bai Xiaochun, it didn’t seem to actually want to kill him. However, every time it opened its huge mouth, cold sweat broke out on Bai Xiaochun’s forehead.

Eventually, Bai Xiaochun realized that the crocodile didn’t seem to be trying to kill him, more just mess with him. Every time it closed its mouth, the blast of air would send him spinning off into the distance.

However, despite the fact that it wasn’t trying to kill him, Bai Xiaochun could also tell that if he didn’t evade quickly enough, he really would be swallowed up…. He felt very wronged. Compared to this gigantic crocodile, he was like a baby. If the giant thing wasn’t careful, it could definitely end his poor little life.

“Stop messing around….” he howled. He really was afraid that the crocodile’s messing around would end up killing him.

He was scowling on the verge of tears as the golden crocodile once again opened its mouth. Bai Xiaochun was virtually scared witless, and was just about to flee when something new happened. A long water dragon burst out from inside the crocodile’s throat, charging toward Bai Xiaochun and then crashing into him.

This wasn’t ordinary water, it was Heavenspan River water. Any other person would have been killed in body and soul. But because Bai Xiaochun cultivated the Violet Qi Heavenspan Incantation, he was much more used to Heavenspan River water. In the blink of an eye, most of his clothing was dissolved. Thankfully, his bag of holding was made from high-quality materials, so it ended up only being damaged a little bit.

It was still painful though. Screaming, he fled from the crocodile’s mouth again, heart filled with grief and indignation. He quickly put on a new set of clothing, and yet, even as he did, another water dragon burst forth.

Because of the intense pressure he was under, he was able to draw upon levels of power that had previously been hidden. That was especially true when it came to his Violet Qi Heavenspan Incantation, which was constantly absorbing the Heavenspan River water as it splashed into him.

Also because of the pressure, his seventh spiritual sea was beginning to crystallize.

The chase didn’t last for very long, only about a day or so. Because of the incredible speed involved, Bai Xiaochun was getting very close to the location where the three sects were preparing for the final battle.

The next morning at dawn, he actually caught sight of the enormous Profound Stream Sect city in the middle of the vast mountain range.

He saw the army of the Spirit and Blood Stream Sects, which was currently leveling attacks that shook heaven and earth. The fluctuations of magical techniques caused dazzling, multicolored light to shine out in all directions.

The golden crocodile finally stopped chasing him. However, cries of astonishment could be heard as people on the battlefield caught sight of it. The patriarchs were fighting up in the sky, but even they were completely shocked by the sight of the crocodile, and then Bai Xiaochun.

The golden crocodile hovered in midair, looking around coldly. Apparently, it didn’t find anything in the area worth looking at. Casting a meaningful glance at Bai Xiaochun, it turned and vanished.

Bai Xiaochun was so excited to see the crocodile leaving that tears were streaming down his face. The past day had been an incredible torment. The way the crocodile had messed with him left him feeling almost violated….

His hatred toward both the little turtle and the crocodile had sunk deep into the depths of his heart. However, it was in that moment that his eyes flickered with surprise.

“Eee?” Looking down at himself, he was suddenly overjoyed. His Undying Live Forever Technique had made significant progress, and his Violet Qi Heavenspan Incantation was becoming more refined. As for his seventh spiritual sea, it was more than half crystallized.

Although he felt a bit better, the price he had paid for these benefits was something he would never want to pay again. Sighing, he looked over at the huge city and the battle playing out around it.

The Profound Stream Sect was fighting back against the invaders with complete madness. They had enormous puppets fighting on their side that looked like mechanical marionettes clad in green armor. Each one required multiple Profound Stream Sect disciples to operate.

The Spirit Stream Sect’s spell formation giants roared as they advanced across the battlefield. Small and large, they unleashed powerful attacks that caused the earth to quake.

As for the Blood Stream Sect, they used their locust-like spell formations to send huge sphere-like groups of cultivators bashing into the Profound Stream Sect’s green-armored puppets. They were like blood-colored mountains that erupted with blood qi and auras of death.

Up above in the air were legacy echelon cultivators from both sides of the conflict, as well as prime elders. Even higher were the patriarchs, whose attacks caused the sky to shake and the world to tremble.

The Profound Stream Sect had a huge spell formation protecting it, as well as countless smaller spell formations to provide auxiliary support. In addition to that, there were countless flickering greatswords floating in the air around the city, arranged into a large sword formation.

Atop each sword sat disciples of their sect. Even two such swords together in formation would be incredibly destructive, but there were far more than that.

Ten of them would be even more awe-inspiring, and when it came to a formation with hundreds, it could cut down Foundation Establishment cultivators and even cause prime elders to tremble.

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  1. Even after doing a bunch of research, I couldn’t determine exactly what the “build a crystal wall” is referring to. I think it’s referencing the magical crystal walls that you see in animated shows sometimes. It’s either that, or supposed to be something incomprehensible. I’m not going to bug Er Gen about something minor like this, so I’ll leave it up to your imagination