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You’re Alive?!


Dusk was falling, but it couldn’t darken the excitement that surged in Bai Xiaochun’s heart. Looking very pleased with himself, he sat cross-legged atop the blood sword, pointing out as he said, “Get ‘em, boys!”

He felt wonderful inside and out, and powerful too. He couldn’t help but think back to the events of the Fallen Sword Abyss, in which he’d led the Spirit Stream Sect disciples to grab all the entrances into the sword.

“What a wonderful memory!” he thought, sighing. But then he remembered how, after he helped all the disciples enter the sword, he ended up being caught alone outside. “I shouldn’t jinx myself! But then again, things are different in this situation. I have two hundred fierce, powerful cultivators with me.”

Bai Xiaochun looked around at the people around him. Xu Xiaoshan was especially impressive, with glowing poison spheres hanging all over him, ready to be thrown out at a moment’s notice. Bai Xiaochun couldn’t help but approve.

Beihan Lie had changed too…. Although he looked the same, he had learned to smile. As for Jia Lie and Master God-Diviner, they were cultivators of the Blood Stream Sect, and had been scary to begin with. However, as the months passed, they had become even scarier.

If those four had experienced such changes, there was no need to even mention everyone else. Most of them had come to resemble Bai Xiaochun in many ways. Normally, they spent their time laughing and smiling, and although they feared death to some extent, when they needed to fight, they unleashed their poison smoke and fought ferociously.

The mere sight of everyone around him caused Bai Xiaochun to sigh emotionally.

“Thanks to my leadership, these brothers and sisters finally realize that cultivators should cherish life. As long as you have your life, you have everything.” Sighing again, he slapped his bag of holding and pulled out the little turtle to shake around like he usually did. Over the course of the preceding months, he had taken time every day to shake the turtle like a rag doll. He had even come to find that the sound of the turtle’s limbs and head knocking against its shell was very pleasing to the ears.

Occasionally, a fragrant aroma would waft out after a bit of knocking, which would cause massive amounts of spiritual energy to flow toward him. Because of that, Bai Xiaochun’s cultivation improved on a daily basis. His followers also benefited from the influxes of spiritual energy.

“This damned turtle does have some use after all.” He looked down at the turtle, at its protruding head and limbs, and its stumpy tail, and gave it another vigorous shake. That was when he realized that something seemed off about it. The knocking sounds were different from before, and the turtle’s extremities all seemed to be stiffer than before.

“Huh?” Surprised, Bai Xiaochun shook the turtle even harder. After enough time passed for half an incense stick to burn, the stiffened extremities went loose once again, and the knocking sounds went back to normal. Pleased, Bai Xiaochun went on to finish his cultivation session.

The next afternoon, he led his group flying along through the front lines region. It was a vast area, and that, coupled with his illustrious fame, made it so that they often went days without encountering any Profound Stream Sect cultivators.

Bai Xiaochun was starting to get bored. One day, he noticed Xu Xiaoshan and Beihan Lie bragging to each other about their achievements in battle. Bai Xiaochun was interested in jumping into the conversation, but then he realized that they were actually looking at him furtively and intentionally ignoring him.

Not very happy, he snorted and considered reducing their glowing sphere supply by seventy percent. At the same time, he subconsciously shook the little turtle back and forth like usually. Suddenly, he frowned.

“Hey, why is the sound different?” Looking down at the turtle, he poked its extremities a few times with his finger and found that, yet again, they had turned stiff.

“Who knows how long this little turtle has been dead. Poor thing. Its limbs are even starting to stiffen up now.” After some thought, he decided that he should try to help the turtle. After all, despite being dead, it had been of much assistance to his cultivation over the past half year or so.

Gripping the shell tightly, he started shaking it as hard as possible. He used quite a bit of force and shook it far more quickly than he usually did. Within the space of a few breaths of time, the fragrant aroma once again appeared, and the spiritual energy of heaven and earth began to rush over.

However, Bai Xiaochun wasn’t finished yet. He kept shaking the turtle as hard as he could, determined to get its body to loosen up again.

The process lasted for the time it takes three incense sticks to burn. Finally, the little turtle’s body once again went loose, and a smile broke out on Bai Xiaochun’s face.

“If your spirit exists in the heavens somewhere, there’s no need for you to thank me. I’ll help you stay loose for as long as possible. I’ll make sure that your fleshly body doesn’t decay, not for all eterni–” Before he could finish speaking, the turtle suddenly lifted its head and opened its eyes. Its pupils seemed to be spinning, and yet, it was possible to see hatred and madness in its eyes as it suddenly opened its mouth and snapped at Bai Xiaochun’s hand!

Startled, Bai Xiaochun immediately dropped the turtle and pulled his hand back.

The turtle’s bite seemed to be fueled by indescribable hatred. When its jaws closed onto the air, a snapping sound rang out that shocked all of the cultivators in the area.

Bai Xiaochun felt like his scalp was about to explode. If the turtle had successfully bitten one of his fingers, it would surely have shattered the bones. Not even his Heavenly Demon Body could stand up to snapping power like that.

“Y-y-y… you’re alive!?!? You’re not dead?!?!” Bai Xiaochun edged backward, disbelief playing out on his face. He had studied that turtle for a very long time, and had never detected any life force in it at all. It had definitely been a corpse before, but as of this moment, it was alive.

Bai Xiaochun’s head was spinning, and his eyes were wide with incredulity.

The turtle wobbled a bit as it flew up into the air to float in front of Bai Xiaochun. Its limbs were trembling, and its eyes were bloodshot. Apparently, it was working hard just not to pass out. Glaring at Bai Xiaochun, it howled, “You’re the dead one! Your whole family’s dead! Your whole sect is dead! Everybody named Bai is dead! I hate you, you jerk!!”

The cultivators of the two sects all looked over in shock. They were familiar with that little turtle; they all remembered seeing Bai Xiaochun shake it around over the past few months, causing the energy of heaven and earth to rush over.

But now, the little turtle was actually alive!!

Bai Xiaochun took a deep breath and was about to say something, but then he noticed what appeared to be tears welling up in the turtle’s eyes. The turtle had looked charming to begin with, with big, round eyes. Now, it seemed to be teetering on the verge of hysteria as it screamed, “Lord Turtle woke up five months ago! Why did you have to go shaking me every single day! There was one day when you shook me a thousand times! Don’t you ever get tired? Lord Turtle almost threw up that day before he passed out again!”

The little turtle was shaking, and was so enraged that apparently heatwaves were rising up from his body. It looked almost like he was about to explode.

Bai Xiaochun already felt bad, so he quickly tried to explain. “Uh, I… I didn’t do it on purpose! I thought you were dead! If you weren’t dead, why didn’t you say something earlier? Also, what was that fragrant aroma…?”

“Oh, you just had to bring up the fragrant aroma, didn’t you!?!? AAARRRGHHHH! That’s the spiritual energy Lord Turtle has been building up for years and years! You shook out tons of it! That was my collection! I spent tens of thousands of years building it up! ARGH! I hate you! I can’t live under the same sky as you!” The enraged little turtle once again lunged toward Bai Xiaochun to try and bite him.

“I’m gonna bite you to death!”

Shocked, Bai Xiaochun dodged to the side, but the turtle kept chasing him, snapping at him over and over again. Xu Xiaoshan, Beihan Lie, Jia Lie, and Master God-Diviner were all completely shocked, as were the other cultivators.

At first, Bai Xiaochun was terrified at being attacked in such away. But then his expression flickered, and he spun in place. Murderous aura erupting, he shouted, “Enough!”

“No, it’s not enough! Dammit! Lord Turtle is gonna slap you so black and blue you’ll never recover!”

Bai Xiaochun’s jaw dropped. This turtle’s language was definitely unique. Clearly, the turtle wasn’t about to let the matter drop. Backing up, Bai Xiaochun quickly said, “Wait, let me explain!”

The little turtle rolled its eyes contemptuously and then said, “Oh no, you stay away from me. I have germophobia!”

“Huh? Germophobia?” Bai Xiaochun was once again shocked, and the other onlookers were similarly stunned. But then, their expressions slowly began to turn into awe. For someone to be able to say something so profoundly insulting, but not use any obscenities, was something that none of them could ever hope to do.

You’re Alive?!

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Heaven-Damned Little Turtle, I Hate You!

“Y-y-you….” Despite wracking his brain, Bai Xiaochun couldn’t think of any comeback. This turtle was simply too hurtful. Virtually every word out of his mouth was an insult.

That was especially true of what he had just said. To say he was germophobic and didn’t want to talk to Bai Xiaochun was an obvious insult to Bai Xiaochun himself.

Rage burned in Bai Xiaochun’s eyes, and just when he was about to offer a response, the little turtle suddenly looked at him sympathetically. Shaking his head, he said, “Ah, some people have to be insulted really blatantly, otherwise they don’t realize they’re being insulted. Make things even slightly cerebral, and it takes them forever to realize they’re being taunted.”

Bai Xiaochun was on the verge of exploding.

“Sharp-tongued blowhard!!” he howled. “Bastard of a turtle! Y-y-you….”

However, the look of sympathy in the turtle’s eyes grew even deeper. Sighing, he casually said, “Finished with your self-introduction?”

The words crushed down onto Bai Xiaochun with the weight of Mount Tai, like lightning on a sunny day. Trembling as if he had been struck physically, he was literally at a loss for words. All of a sudden, he realized that in terms of ability to insult people, this little turtle existed on a different plane than him. It was like the difference between heaven and earth, or the difference between mortals and cultivators….

They were different worlds….

Bai Xiaochun wasn’t the only one who felt like that. The other cultivators of the two sects were all left gasping. They had never encountered someone who could speak so bitingly. Xu Xiaoshan’s eyes went wide as he stared at the little turtle. To him, it seemed almost godlike.

Beihan Lie felt the same way. He had never before seen Bai Xiaochun in such a predicament. Jia Lie was going wild with joy, and although Master God-Diviner looked shocked, inwardly, he was getting very excited.

Regardless, everyone had already decided that they would avoid talking to the little turtle at all costs….

Bai Xiaochun waved his hand, causing blood qi to explode out toward the little turtle. However, before the blood qi even reached it, the turtle suddenly shrank back into his shell. A bang rang out as the blood qi hit the shell, then faded away, leaving behind not even the tiniest scratch.

However, the turtle’s muffled voice could still be heard from inside the shell.

“Bursting with rage, yet empty inside. If you don’t vent a bit, you’ll end up dead. Listen up Bai, you little whippersnapper, Lord Turtle has some advice. Why don’t you go build a crystal wall for yourself? If you keep going down this path, it’s not healthy….” 1

Bai Xiaochun’s jaw dropped. He actually had no idea what the little turtle was talking about, but he was sure that it wasn’t anything good. The fact that he didn’t even understand how he was being insulted got him even more mad than before. Suddenly, he thought back to how the little turtle had just talked about people not understanding how they were being insulted.

“I’m gonna concoct you into a pill!!” Bai Xiaochun raged. Waving his right hand, he summoned a pill furnace, grabbed the turtle, and then threw it inside. Eyes bloodshot, he pulled out a pile of earthflame stones and immediately began to try to concoct the little turtle into a pill, right there on top of the blood sword.

Strange expressions could be seen on the faces of the surrounding cultivators. Considering how Bai Xiaochun almost seemed to have gone mad, though, none of them dared to interrupt him. Everyone edged back until they were about 300 meters away.

For the following few days, Bai Xiaochun concocted like mad. Soon, his hair was in disarray, and he felt like he was on the verge of exploding. However, no matter what methods he used, he couldn’t get the little turtle to melt. Occasionally, the little turtle would even hurl insults out from inside the furnace.

“You call this pill concocting? If you think this heat can melt Lord Turtle, you might as well stop dreaming. Look, whippersnapper, why don’t you try again after practicing cultivation for 10,000 years or so?!”

“Hey hey. Not bad! Not bad at all! You realized Lord Turtle was hungry, so you threw some spirit plants in for me to eat. Keep it up, whippersnapper. I’m starting to like you!”

“Add some heat! Come on, Lord Turtle is freezing here! Heat, man, I need heat!!”

Bai Xiaochun was descending into complete madness. He felt like he was about to collapse, and had a mind to simply throw the little turtle away. However, it was a valuable treasure that he had only acquired after suffering untold hardships. He couldn’t just give it up….

And yet, he couldn’t just allow things to go on the way they were. He continued to stew over the matter for two days, until he suddenly realized that the little turtle hadn’t said anything for quite some time.

“Hmm?” he muttered, looking surprised. Everyone else in the area was also astonished. They had actually gotten used to the little turtle’s voice recently, so the sudden silence seemed odd.

Feeling a bit suspicious, Bai Xiaochun cooled down the earthflame and opened the pill furnace to find that it was completely empty….

Well, it wasn’t completely empty. There were some turtle droppings inside….

However, the little turtle was nowhere to be seen. By means of some unknowable method, he had somehow disappeared into thin air.

A very unsightly expression could be seen on Bai Xiaochun’s face, especially when he looked at the turtle droppings. He really wanted to beat that turtle flat into the ground….

“Hmmph! Well, I’m glad he’s gone. I’ll just pretend I never even picked him up to begin with!” His heart was filled with many mixed emotions as he gritted his teeth and put his pill furnace away. Finally, the other cultivators felt comfortable enough to get a bit closer to the blood sword.

Another five days passed. Bai Xiaochun hadn’t seen a single trace of the little turtle, and had dismissed his disappearance from his mind. Although he was a bit disappointed at losing it, when he thought about his maddening way of talking, he realized that overall, the fact that he had fled was a good thing.

His mood gradually got better, and his spirits lifted. One afternoon, just when he was getting everyone ready to continue along through the front lines territory, a golden beam of light suddenly shot up into the air off in the distance.

At the same time, the aura of Heavenspan River water also exploded out in all directions. Heaven and earth began to tremble, and the sky distorted. Many of the blood clouds on the battlefield were swept away, and the Spirit Stream Sect’s white sun twisted, causing the black raven inside to tremble.

The Blood Stream Sect’s reserve power, the ghastly scarecrow, also began to tremble. The same thing happened to the Profound Stream Sect’s enormous city headquarters.

All patriarchs of the three sects who were currently in the Heavencraft Continent all turned their heads at the same time to see what was happening.

Bai Xiaochun was quite close to the golden light, and felt the vibrations even more acutely. That was especially true considering that he cultivated the Violet Qi Heavenspan Incantation, which was built upon the foundation of absorbing Heavenspan River water. Because of that, he was more in tune with the Heavenspan River than ordinary cultivators.

“That’s….” Bai Xiaochun gasped. The other cultivators around him were so shocked they were trembling. And that was when all of them, Bai Xiaochun included, saw…

Another beam shooting toward Bai Xiaochun from the expanding golden light.

As the beam of light got closer, a voice suddenly echoed out, “Dammit! You trifling little creature. Last time Lord Turtle took a nap, you were a wimp, and the nap before that, your dad was also a wimp!”

As soon as Bai Xiaochun heard that voice, he was shaken to the core, and his mind began to spin. It was obviously the voice of the damned little turtle.

Furthermore, it was now possible to see that within the majestic golden light was a gargantuan crocodile!!

It was at least 30,000 meters long, and completely golden. Its majesty was virtually impossible to describe, and it was clearly enraged, its roar echoing out louder than thunder from the heavens.

It was so angry that Bai Xiaochun could see how bloodshot its eyes were. He gasped, his scalp tingling so hard it felt like it would explode. This was the very same crocodile he had seen back when he was in the Qi Condensation stage, a terrifying entity that lived within the water of the Heavenspan River.

Before Bai Xiaochun could even react, the little turtle shot toward him with explosive speed. As he closed in, he sucked his extremities in, becoming a turtle shell that then disappeared into Bai Xiaochun’s bag of holding.

“Uhh….”

Bai Xiaochun looked up with wide eyes at the distant crocodile, which was currently staring at him angrily. Clearly, it recognized him…. When it realized that Bai Xiaochun was the master of the little turtle, it let out a shocking roar that caused the sky to dim, and a huge wind to kick up.

“Senior Goldcroc, I… I’m not the turtle’s master! Really, I’m not….”

He wanted to drag the turtle out of his bag of holding, but when he looked inside, he couldn’t find a single trace of him. There was no more time to think, as the terrifying crocodile was currently heading in his direction. A pair of wings popped out behind Bai Xiaochun as he fled at top speed.

On the verge of tears, he screamed, “Heaven-damned little turtle, I hate you!!”

The other cultivators had long since fled, and were sympathetically watching Bai Xiaochun from a distance….

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  1. Even after doing a bunch of research, I couldn’t determine exactly what the “build a crystal wall” is referring to. I think it’s referencing the magical crystal walls that you see in animated shows sometimes. It’s either that, or supposed to be something incomprehensible. I’m not going to bug Er Gen about something minor like this, so I’ll leave it up to your imagination