Chapter 54: Cherish Life, Stay Clear from Girlfriends!
“Make your choice, youth!”
The fiery voice constantly resounded in his mind like a demon’s chanting.
Shi Xiaobai was dumbfounded. This sort of mischief-style Absolute Choice had appeared without any warning, catching him off guard.
Mock her flat chest or express love?
Shi Xiaobai’s gaze could not help but land on Kali’s chest. Under the gothic-style dress, was what truly looked like a flat plane. However, since Kali had the appearance of a 12 to 13 year-old girl, she could even be called a loli. A flat chest did not seem like a hard-to-accept fact for a loli, right? The only thing unknown was what sort of reaction would he receive if he mocked her for it.
Shi Xiaobai was actually not very interested in the breasts of women. He knew even less about a girl’s heart, but intuition told him that mocking certain parts of a female’s body was a very dangerous thing.
Shi Xiaobai always trusted his intuition, so his gaze landed on the other choice—profess his love for Kali, which was also known as a confession.
The love between men and women was something the ignorant Shi Xiaobai did not understand. Even if he did understand it, he would probably scoff at it. However, Shi Xiaobai knew what confession was very well. He even had a close encounter with it.
Actually, he was still in junior high school back on Earth. *Cough*. Shi Xiaobai believed that to become the lord of Earth, he had to first grasp the culture of Earth, so despite playing truant often, he was still barely considered a junior high school student. Back in junior high school, he had a good friend who played games with him, wait no, a war buddy who conquered worlds with him.
His war buddy’s name was Yang Wei. Yang Wei would, on average, make a confession once every three days. His confession would be directed at a different person each time. Every time, he would be nicely rejected and given the “Nice Guy Card”. Hence, for 365 days in a year, a third of the time, Yang Wei was nursing a crush, and the other third of the time was him in pursuit, while the last third was him in an out-of-love state.
Yang Wei frequently boasted about his confession exploits to Shi Xiaobai, but he would always switch the confessor and the receiver. He would tell Shi Xiaobai that there would be more than a hundred girls confessing every year, and he would have to harden his heart to reject them. He felt like he had let down so many people, constantly blaming the Heavens for making him so handsome and so full of charm.
Shi Xiaobai did not know any better and found it quite impressive even though he did not know what Yang Wei meant, but he did not place much weight in Yang Wei’s words. He only knew that his war buddy was craved by thousands.
However, there was a day when Shi Xiaobai received a confession.
Shi Xiaobai had already forgotten the name of the girl who made the confession, but he remembered that she was prettier than the other girls in class. She was supposedly some school belle and came from a rich family. Her results always ranked her amongst the top, and she would often participate in competitions during physical education classes and become some kind of champion.
However, the two of them had nearly never talked before. Shi Xiaobai could only ask “why?”
The girl said that she was once lost when she was young and that it was he who comforted and accompanied her. She felt warm and at ease, so from then onwards, she always paid attention to him, and slowly began to like him. Every time she saw him, her heart would palpitate, her ears turn red, unable to resist her feelings.
Shi Xiaobai was a bit startled. The confession had happened too suddenly, so he did not know what to do. He did not know what would happen after he accepted the confession, nor did he know what would happen if he rejected it.
Shi Xiaobai immediately thought of his experienced war buddy, Yang Wei, so he did not answer the girl on the spot. Instead, he termed it “wait till the boundary of the world line is stabilized before we carry on this sacred conversation”.
After that, Shi Xiaobai immediately found Yang Wei and asked for his comments.
Upon hearing this, Yang Wei fell into silence for a long period of time. It was like the suppressive feeling of the calm before the storm.
The first sentence Yang Wei said was a heavy question. He asked, “White Eventide Heretic King, do you still remember your dreams? The dream of ‘conquering Earth, saving the world, ruling out all evil, leading the evil gods towards the white eventide, leaving only justice in the world’, do you remember!?”
Upon hearing this, Shi Xiaobai was stunned before he said loudly, “Of course!”
Yang Wei nodded his head with satisfaction and said with a heavy voice, “Do you know why over all these years, I have cruelly rejected the confession of each and every girl? It’s because I do not want to ruin my dreams because of this! White Eventide Heretic King, do you know that if you accept the confession, she will become your girlfriend? Do you know how terrifying a biological creature a girlfriend is?”
Shi Xiaobai gulped and shook his head. “No… No, I don’t.”
Yang Wei sneered. “Girlfriends are the most terrifying demons in the world. She would take you shopping, eating, watching movies, walk the streets, engage in lovey-dovey acts, rolling in the sheets… She will occupy a large portion of your time, and when you are playing games… I mean, when you are conquering other worlds, her phone calls will be like a cursed chant that constantly rings. Even if your ears are hot from holding the phone, you would still have to perk your mind up and carry on a conversation on some boring topic with her. Your life would lose all its meaning in meaningless chatter, doing mediocre deeds.”
“Also, every month, there will be times when she would enter rage mode. When that happens, if you hit her vulnerable mental spot, she might destroy your world in a rage, devastating your spirit, demolishing your dreams, but she is your girlfriend, so you have to abandon the dignity of the Crown to coax her, to make her happy. Even if she makes you use the Seven Star Holy Sword as a torch, you have to do it…”
Yang Wei used words that Shi Xiaobai could understand, and constantly grumbled over the terrifying faces of the biological creatures known as “girlfriend”. The more Shi Xiaobai heard, the more alarmed and afraid he became. He said with a trembling voice, “Is it… so terrifying?”
Yang Wei sighed heavily and said, “This is only the damage the girlfriend would deal you. There would be armies of single men, the FFF Inquisition that will burn down any heterosexual relationships… Those enemies lurking in the darkness will constantly interfere with your life and take your time, preventing you from feeling a peace of mind to fulfill your dreams.”
“So, White Eventide Heretic King! If you do not want to waste your time and become a mediocre mortal, if you want to hold on resolutely to your dreams, then I have to advise you—Cherish life, stay clear from girlfriends!”
These words quaked Shi Xiaobai’s pure mind, making him completely realize the terror of “girlfriends”; hence, he was determined to stay clear from girlfriends.
However, before he had a chance to carry on his “sacred conversation” or reject the girl, he had suddenly crossed into this alternate world.
“Cherish life, keep clear from girlfriends!”
Shi Xiaobai recalled Yang Wei’s famous quote and as his gaze landed on that option, he felt an internal struggle.
“If This King were to confess, what happens if she agrees? Then wouldn’t she become This King’s girlfriend? No, who can resist the Confession of a King. She will definitely agree to it. If This King were to confess, she would then become a horrible biological creature known as ‘girlfriend’.”
Shi Xiaobai felt worried. What Kali had said had moved him, and he felt a close intimacy with the unimaginably powerful pixie girl. The way she spoke made Shi Xiaobai feel like she was a confidant.
However, to make Kali his girlfriend?
Shi Xiaobai slightly recalled Yang Wei’s description of girlfriends and immediately rejected this thought. Girlfriends were too terrifying, so Shi Xiaobai found it completely unacceptable!
Then…choose the first choice?
Shi Xiaobai looked at the other option—mock flat chests.
Intuition told Shi Xiaobai that this choice was very dangerous.
The intuition of danger and the terrifying impression of “girlfriend” kept colliding in Shi Xiaobai’s mind as a struggle ensued. No victor was produced immediately.
“Ten, nine, eight…” The long expected cold voice boomed. It was the sound of the limited time countdown.
The danger Shi Xiaobai felt from this voice intensified by several times.
He had to make a decision before the countdown!
“Mock flat chests.”
Compared to his dangerous intuition, the terrifying impression seemed more perceivable, so Shi Xiaobai made a choice he didn’t wish to at the last moment.
Time proceeded, but Shi Xiaobai’s state of mind was completely different.
Although his face was still stained with tears from being deeply moved and Kali’s soft and warm hands were still wiping his cheeks, Shi Xiaobai was at this moment distressed—how should he mock Kali’s chest? This was not a simple matter.
Kali’s expression was still extremely gentle. In her eyes, Shi Xiaobai was like her past self. He was an obstinate but cute person, a Light that made people feel fondness for him, and a Darkness that made people cherish him tenderly.
She had butt in originally because she could not stand the actions of the upper echelons of [Gaia]. She had only wanted to take the spot of mentor, but just in name.
However, she was now very happy that she had done so on a whim. If not for that, she would not have encountered this youth that she felt so much affection for. And for this, she was willing to teach him some things, giving him the power he desired.
Noticing that Shi Xiaobai was not replying because he was in a daze, she asked a fourth time.
“Youth, do you desire power?”
Shi Xiaobai, who was still considering how to mock her flat chest, suddenly had an idea when he heard her question. With a flash of brilliance, or of course, you could say it was a brain aneurysm, Shi Xiaobai replied, “No, I desire boobs.”
Then he looked at Kali’s chest and sighed, “But you have none!”
Author’s Note: Wahaha! Do you think there is a joke This King cannot use!? This King’s brain is without limit!